That's right. I know you wish you could have taken a picture of the moment you weeped, the moment you took a breath and realized you are finally set free. Know that who you were, who you tried to be, she isn't you and you're finally the you you've wanted to be. It might not feel like much has changed, but oh how I wish you could look back and exchange places, see your many faces and feel what felt like a never ending numbness. Transformation takes time, and although that was you in the past, she isn't you, at least not quite yet.
Every morning the sun rose you gathered, picked up, threw away pieces of what you felt and did in the dark. You saved yourself from a life that was good to you, family and friends who love you, which is why I know you wonder how you'll heal from the decisions you've made.
Remember when you said, "What if I get saved, but can't heal?" then, brushed it off, laughed because Jesus will take the wheel? Wholeheartedly you have admitted that you know nothing, but this nothing feels like a vivid adventure, a voyage to the unknown and it excites you. At the same time, it rips you apart because remember, you're still healing from what you left behind.
-Now you try it, write/speak to yourself in second person point of view about who you weren't yet in the past.